Stop doing that

These are the things I don't want to see in public.

1. Your underwear. I shouldn't even have to say this, because it's UNDERwear. You WEAR it UNDER the rest of your clothes. But apparently this needs to be clarified. A bra (or bralette or bandeau) is not a shirt. Shorts should cover more than your butt, since the full term is "short pants." A little peep of lace in your cleavage is fine (and sexy, I do it too sometimes), but only a little. A contrasting bra strap with a tank top is fine, because it's colorful and cute and sometimes hard to avoid. But your underwear should not be the point of an outfit.

And boys, you aren't exempt. I don't know what you think is attractive about baggy handfuls of boxers sagging above the waistband of your pants. When I see that all I can thing is that your butt is saggy and wrinkly and probably covered in suspicious spots, just like your boxers. A bit of elastic, fine. But if I can identify the tartan on your plaid boxers as MacLaren as opposed to Gordon, I have seen too much.

2. Your nipple. Your shirt should not be so tight I can see your nipple. Your shirt should not be so loose I can see your nipple. Your shirt should not be so low I can see your nipple. I can't even believe this is a thing now... Jesus. NIPPLES! Fuck's sake....

3. The crease where your butt and leg meet. That is just WAY too much skin to show. It's dangerously close to butt cheek. And on that topic, butt cheek is too much skin to show. Same with side boob. The only people who should be seeing that much skin are your doctor and the person you're sleeping with, and since I'm not a doctor and I am DEFINITELY not sleeping with you, put some clothes on.

4. Your bulge/your camel toe. Your genitalia may be covered, but your pants are so tight I can tell whether you were circumcised and what type of wax you got and how long ago you got it. I don't need to know these things on a second-and-a-half acquaintance that mostly involves me trying to gauge whether you're blocking my brand of peanut butter in the grocery store. I'm just not that kind of girl. At least buy me dinner first.

5. Your pajamas. You couldn't be bothered to put on clothes when you left the house at 2pm? Sure, 7am in line at Starbucks on a Sunday, wear your yoga pants, who cares. Midnight run to 7-11 for some popcorn to go with your movie? Go for it. But after about 9 you put on pants.

A note: These rules apply to when you go out in public, like a grocery store or the mall or a restaurant. At the gym, or other places that have specialized outfits, you wear what you need to wear. I'd say that these rules should be followed at dance clubs and bars, but I have too much fun laughing at people to encourage them to stop.

What article of clothing/style of clothes would you burn if you could?